You can live without Pepsi and beer...

I'm giving up drinking out of plastic bottles for Lent because it's just as retarded as some of the other shit you people have told me you're "sacrificing" for this religious period of time.

Because I need money...

I'm going to start selling crack rocks.

Maybe so...

Listening to There is a Way by Mighty Mos Def. ... I had to read Chris for inspiration. He says he's a martian. Maybe I am, too. That would explain certain things. ... That doesn't mean my dick is green, either. Get your head out of the gutter. ... I feel lonely. ... All that's on my brain is brain. ... My head is filled with images of head. ... I'm simple and plain. But get to talking to me and my complexity could make you fuckng bug, wanna punch me, wanna fuck me, wanna never speak to me, wanna know more or all of the above, kid. ... Sometimes I get fooled into thinking someone is mature enough to handle something then after I put it out there, I am sadly mistaken because they aren't. Then I'm in a no-win situation. ... More people than not are morons. ... Come fight me then, bitch. ... I don't like sharing a car. ... I like sharing my thoughts with written words. ... I don't feel comfortable all the time sharing them verbally. ... I live on a golf course right now. ... T.I. gets a show because he's going to jail 45 days from now? What the fuck has this goddamn society stooped to when we give criminals reality shows and don't pass them off as criminals? This motherfucker had machine guns in his spot like he was ready to be deployed to Iraq and all this. No one needs guns like that, but he still gets a show. MTV is what is wrong with people between the ages of 14-40. No doubt in my mind. ... Celeste needs to not be listing to Soulja Boy right about now. ... Why in the fuck do these girls ALWAYS think the same thing, like all I do is fuck different hoes at will. If I had my pick like that, I'd have a girl, yo. ... Let's clear something up now, even if only 3 people read this motherfucker. I don't have sex right now. Period. I don't. I haven't been for a while. Long story short: I broke up with a girl a long time ago, thought fucking other people would help me get through that. I didn't. I realized that and said I wouldn't be a hoe. I slipped once or twice. I got my head right and stopped having sex unless I was actually with the girl or thought I would be with her eventually. And anyone who knows me knows I don't think I'll be with every girl who throws her pussy in my face. So, no, I don't fuck everything that moves. Yes, I have options. No, I don't cash them all in. Yes, I write about sex. Yes, I have experienced it. Yes, I'll take the label as someone who has done some things. No, I won't take the one that says I've done them with a football stadium worth of bitches. ... But yes, your girl probably gets giddy when my name or web site comes up. ... If people assume one more ridiculous thing about me and I hear about it, it's time to crack some mirrors with screams. ... I like a girl who moans loudly or talks dirty. ... Almost instantly when the second of those two happens. ... I'm a grown up with little boy tendencies. ... I don't like mayonaise. ... I like carrots if they are soft, but not like baby food. That's gross. ... I don't like flaming hot Funyuns or anything else besides Cheetos. ... I like condoms. ... I don't like flavored condoms because I don't want it deep throated with a baggy over it. What's the point? ... I want A. I miss her. ... I want Z. She found the kid. ... How is The Rock still making movies? ... www.fleshbot.com. Not at work. ... I don't want your hair to be hard. ... I don't want your hair to have roots that are a different color. ... Let your man decide how your pubic hair should look. ... I have seen Paris Hilton's breasts in person. No lie. For some reason watching an NBA highlight reminded me of that. Probably because it happened during All-Star Weekend a few years back. They aren't that great and she's not that pretty. ... This blog isn't meant to make readers happy. I'm not totally sure what it is meant for, but I know it's not that. So if you don't like it, don't send me a text message about it. Just suck it up because I could give a fuck about how you took it. ... Stop being spoiled. ... Stop assuming I'M the lucky one if we ever are naked together. ... That sounds cocky to you, huh? Go fly a kite. ... I'll punch you in the grill. ... I used to have a grill and I lost it. Obviously it was fake. ... I know that 2 plus 2 equals four. ... I'll let my kids listen to the music I listen to. ... I'll also cuss in front of them. Not like all the time, I'll try to watch my mouth, but until they pay my rent, I'll talk how I want. ... I don't know yet if I can spank them. But when I do, they'll really know they fucked up. Hopefully the girl will be more willing to hit that ass on a regular basis. ... If you're a newcomer, check "A must read..." It's somewhere in the first month of this blog's birth. Someone recently read that for the first time and had a nice reaction to it. ... I don't want you to call. I want her to call. ... I've had some memorable rides home from airports. ... I have gotten head in a church parking lot. I didn't know it was a church parking lot until later. ... I have gone down on someone while they sat on the trunk of their car, which was parked on the street. ... Go ahead and judge me. Everyone else seems to do it. ... Don't break my heart. It hurts. ... I'll try not to break yours. ... Just because you're a minority with money who listens to hip-hop music doesn't mean you NEED a chain. ... I don't care what your roommate thinks. I'll kick that bitch in the temple. ... That last comment was randomness at it's epitomy because I'm not mad at anyone's female roommate. ... If you're too uptight to tell someone who you voted for, you might be boring at having sex. ... I know, girl. Everytime you think you found a husband, he gets spotted at the club talking to another chick. ... Maybe stop meeting guys who hang out in clubs. ... Maybe stop meeting me. ... Maybe I'll be happier. ... Maybe learn to shut the fuck up once in a while. ... Maybe have a career. ... Maybe don't have a baby's father on the side. ... Maybe stop making me crazy. ... Maybe I should quit my gig. ... Maybe I'm pissed because my dad's employers are stupid. ... Maybe I'm mad because my dad used to be stupid. ... Maybe I'm mad because I just wrote that last sentence and I choked up. ... Maybe I'm mad at myself for doing something I should have thought twice about doing, but I only thought once and now someone is hurt. ... Maybe you can say no when I can feel you quiver when I kiss your neck. ... Maybe I should quit this blog. ... Maybe I should stop writing. ... Maybe I'm listening to Break You Off by The Roots. ... Maybe I should stop buying so many shoes. ... Maybe I should accept life as it comes. ... Maybe that was the dumbest thing I've ever written. ... Maybe I'm ghost. ... Maybe you should be cool because maybe, just maybe, the planet needs more cool souls.

I missed this place for a reason or two...

Listening to this new Lilly Allen album. ... I'm in a better climate now and playing some ball. ... It seems Amber's blog was kind of a hit with the guys from the feedback I received. ... For some reason, religion has been a topic lately. Drop it. ... I'm drinking pineapple juice right now. That has a different meaning for some people I know that others. ... Phoenix reminds me of one night in particular. Only one person knows what night that is. ... Actually, it reminds me of a few nights, but those other ones I barely remember because Alex was in town, and blackouts ensued. ... Some people deserve to have their mouths wired shut. ... I don't want to work. ... Long distance booty calls? That works. ... Sex has been on my mind more than usual. ... Sex in different places, too. ... There is someone out there in the world that I want to see as soon as possible. ... I like the sound of keys on a computer keyboard being struck. It gives me the feeling of someone accomplishing something. ... OK, here is what the fuck I am sick of: People who are on Facebook and MySpace having this gay ass beef with each other because they think one is better than the other. Look, they are the same fucking thing, they serve the same fucking purpose and you aren't better than someone else and don't have the right to stick your nose up at them just because you use Facebook and not the other one. How can someone be "ghetto" by using MySpace when you use the same fucking vehicle to get information about your selfish ass out to the public and your friends? I used to have both, years ago. It was stupid then and it's stupid now and it won't get un-stupid in the future. If you have one of the two or both, fine. But don't ask me to use my phone to check that shit or tell me you use it to stay in touch with people you never talk to or as if I have Internet so you can hop on my laptop. Fuck you. You can't. Stop judging yourself by who looks at your pictures, leaves you messages and how many hits your page gets in a week. ... Rant over. It's too sunny to be aggravated right now. ... Still listening to Lilly Allen, and I recently saw a picture of her in her panties. ... Be cool because I'm not.

Amber says: I need to be fucked...

Not much needs to be said to intro this guest blog. Girls have Amber to thank...

.................................................

I finally got my computer back after a week of being held hostage at the Apple Store…since then I've been trying to write this blog just to give Anthony "something to read."….but nothing worth putting into words ever seemed to come to mind. Anyways…I'm always up for a good challenge and since I'm that Type A person that needs a plan and direction…he suggested I devote this one to sex. And then it hit me…the cause of my stress, anxiety and recent apathy is entirely related to sex…or lack thereof… It's been a minute since my last guest blog…and it's been almost as long since I've received and or provided any sexual favors. Arguably my longest dry spell since my last serious relationship some 3+ years ago…at this very moment I welcome anything resembling a "decent" fuck. The difference between this dry spell and all the others: lack of anything worth opening my legs for. I've got several girlfriends who claim to be going through the same problem…they can be placed into 2 categories: those who know what good sex is and those who don't. Or rather…those who know what they like when it comes to doing the deed and those that are just as clueless as Alicia Silverstone circa 1995. The two distinctions are essentially one in the same. The only way to know what you really like during sex is to have good sex. And good sex comes from experience. Naw…not just a lot of sex with one person…the kind of experience you get from different partners. I know this may come off as a completely transparent thought…but you'd be surprised how many girlfriends I have who have had one…at best two sexual partners (including giving D) and look at me like I'm a freak because I openly discuss sex and the need to have more….yes I meant to say need and not want. If your girl comes off like a prude and squeamish when you tell her you want to tittie fuck her and cum on her face…its probably because she hasn't been fucked right. Not to say that all women will be straightened up by a good fuck…some are and always will be a killjoy. So what makes sex good? I'm not going to even pretend to know how to define what makes it good for every woman.... because if this point hasn't been belabored enough…we are all different. And, not to mention Anthony's sex blogs did a pretty good job of breaking down each of the steps, hence I'm not even gonna try to top that. What will this blog provide…an opportunity to get a female perspective on what works and doesn't work…and what we say to each other about what you are doing in bed. Size does matter and yes we talk about it….sorry…if I can't feel it…I'd rather you not stick it in me...I'll keep it clean…but I expect you to do the same…no not like a prepubescent boy…but tidy that shit up so we aren't diving into a ball of fur while delivering fellatio. If you can't kiss…its going to be a long night. If you don't know how to kiss…find someone patient to help you learn. If you don't know if you are a good kisser…you probably aren't. Foreplay is an obvious must…this is your time to recognize the kind of mood your girl is in...and thus how you give it to her when it comes time to do the deed. BUT…don't overwork the foreplay…there is a fine line between warming us up and making us bored. Then again…if you really know how to give good head…you won't bore anyone. What works for me? I'm one of those ladies who likes a lot of action…tongue on the clit, lips and everywhere around and in-between …lets not forget about the fingers…depending on who you are and what your hands look like…one…two…but never more than that…no matter who you are. If its too much…I'll let you know. Typically, while you work the head, I'll help you out and might even do a little touching myself…breasts, nipple, even the clit depending on what position we are in. You'll know when its time for entry because if you are doing your job right…I will let you know that I want it NOW! This is usually the time where I'm just beginning to think that I can't take anymore clit action…and the kitty is wetter than an ice cube in the desert. Now…listen up…at this point you have 2 choices: go immediately for entry…or keep working that clit just a little bit longer. On any normal day, I'd say my man better do what I say when I tell him to do it…but in this case…just keep doing what your doing…I might even start to beg for you to fuck me…but will quickly back off…its at this very moment when I begin to back off that I'm about to reach my tipping point…and at this very moment you should switch positions and stick it inside me. PAUSE. This is a perfect example why its important to get your man hard and then stick the condom on prior to foreplay getting too hot and heavy. Nothing kills the feeling you have just worked so hard to build more than having to wait to feel you inside of us. If you are in the kind of "condoms are optional" relationship where this does not apply to you…great for you. If you aren't…. wrap that shit up before you have the chance to get cold.When it comes to positions…we know what we like and what will get us off….In case you are wondering… any of the positions in the cowgirl family... front, reverse, side…are a guaranteed orgasm for me…oooh…and I like it from behind…when I can watch you in the mirror…and on my stomach…legs over my head….and……….before I get too excited thinking about all the ways I'll let you twist and turn me….remember…not all of your special lady friends appreciate being folded into a pretzel during the act. But…if you want to know a secret…the same hormones released during orgasm make women a little bit stupid and a lot more agreeable to any man she is with. Make your girl cum first…and she might just let you position her any way you like it. Final thoughts… a man needs to show affection and security in the right way…but at the same time know when to turn on the bad boy gene. Change is good…stay away from any sort of routine. Music and romantic settings are not a requisite for every sexual experience…although the occasional romantic gesture is well received…the TV is NOT a substitute for music…if it's on to provide a little bit of light…fine…turn the volume down. We like a man that runs the show…but gets off when we wrestle for the remote. So… now that I've done an adequate job of reminding myself why dry spells could be the worst form of sexual torture…be like Jamie Foxx and get unpredictable.

Maybe it was Rhianna's fault...

You read that title right, kids. … I mean, he is a goddamn fool for doing what he did … in public … in a Lambo … in a wealthy neighborhood. … It’s tough to be any dumber than that. … But Rhianna probably wasn’t innocent in that whole mess either. I’ll put my bank account on the fact that she threw the first punch or delivered the first slap, even if he did get a text from someone else, which is stupid on his part. … Here’s the thing, with all this equality and fight for liberation and rights, somewhere along the way, the line was never blurred when it came to certain things like who should pick up a check. … It’s not that I mind doing something like that, but if things are going to be equal, make them equal. Women/the law shouldn’t be allowed to differentiate between instances to gauge level of equality. You’re either my equal or you are not. … With that said and the lack of social equality real, it isn’t uncommon to see a girl screaming, cussing out or completely berating her male companion in public. We have all seen this at one time or another, and if you haven’t, get the fuck out of the house and start living your life be putting yourself in social settings. … Anyway, girls can call it not being afraid or keeping it real of standing up for themselves against the tyranny of man, but we all know that is bullshit. Completely. … What they aren’t afraid of is retaliation. Plain and simple. … Women feel like they can do this and embarrass a guy in public or in front of his friends or wherever because the fear o being hit has never been pumped into them. … Yeah, guys might drive you crazy or to the brink of insanity – it happens – but that doesn’t give you the right to belittle someone that way, whether it’s cussing them out in an argument or actually putting your hands on them. … And in a lot of cases – not all – that lack of fear allows a woman to do that. … You NEVER see guys totally rip each other in that fashion, privately or publicly, unless there are about 14 people between the two of them. Because in that case, whoever is doing the screaming and yelling knows there’s not chance of a fight. … When there is nothing stopping a potential fight, guys don’t argue like bitches in that way. Because each of them know there is a legitimate chance they might be barking up the wrong tree and a severe ass beating could be waiting for them at the top. … Meanwhile, many women live without that fear. … Here is my point: If you want to be equal to me and you feel the need to approach me in one of the above ways, you should be equally prepared to be treated the same way I’d treat a man. … Now here comes the hate mail, but whatever. … This is how I feel, and fuck you if you still believe that bullshit about a man should NEVER hit a woman. … I’m the first guy to say a man shouldn’t hit the girl he is with. I don’t condone that kind of stuff. In an argument, a normal one, a man has zero right to put his hands on a girl. … BUT that doesn’t mean the woman has a right to put her hands on him either. No matter how intense the argument or whatever, nobody has a right to punch, slap, push or kick the other one. … This is where women get confused sometimes. … They think it’s OK just because they are “more upset.” … Fuck that noise. … The point of this blog, finally, is to say enough is enough and no means no and take back the night and whatnot. … If you hit a man as his equal, a man should be able to hit your stupid as back without catching a serious domestic abuse case. … The punishment should be the same as if we got in a fight in the club with some dumb motherfucker. … And whoever starts it with the first physical contact should take on most of the blame. No matter who ended up on the carpet with a broken nose and swollen forehead. … You can make the bigger-stronger argument all you want, but I’m not allowed to make that if I pick a fight with a guy who is 6-7, 265 pounds and knows judo. If I get my ass kicked, I get my ass kicked … unless you get a moron cop or something like that, but that just kinda goes with the territory we’re discussing. … My point is, if I pick the fight and lose, I still get in trouble, and rightfully so. … So if a girl picks a fight and gets her chin checked, she should get in trouble, too. … Also, girls who talk slick or cuss someone out in public, you should be ready to suffer the same consequences as if a guy was doing exactly the same thing to another guy. … There shouldn’t be special circumstances just because you have a pussy. … You can’t have your cake and eat it as well. If you want life to be that way, then prepare to give up your equal wages, being managers within companies and all that of those rights. … This isn’t Burger King, goddammit! … I needed this… Be cool.

You should know this...

Now come on, everybody. Let's make cocaine cool.
We need a few more half-naked women up in the pool, and hold this mac-10 that's all covered in jewels.
And can you please put your titties closer to the 22's?
And where's the champagne? We need champagne!
Now look as hard as you can with this blunt in your hand.
And now hold up your chain slow motion through the flames.
Now cue the smoke machines and the simulated rain.
But not too loud because the baby's sleeping.
I wonder if it knows what the world is keeping ... up both sleeves while he lay there dreaming.
Me and my robot tip-toe around creeping.
I had to turn my back on what got you paid.
I couldn't see half the hood on me like Abu Gharib.
But I'd like to thank the streets that drove me crazy.
And all the television shows out there that raised me!!!!

Edson says: Weezy is a wanksta...

It's been a while since I sat down and blogged. ... I've been busy ... Softball is starting to pick up, but it's raining again in Cali. ... Kobe just locked Pierce down. Lakers win in overtime ... I'm contemplating a big career move ... Sometimes I wonder if Sac used to be popping when the Kings were winning ... I wake up to sports and go to sleep to them ... Fresno State is raving about their new recruiting class. Like it matters, they still have Pat Hill. It seems like they rave about every year's recruiting class ... I need multiple girls to walk through my door. ... Is Nevada better off with prostitution being legal than Cali is with it being illegal ... If a girl wants to get paid to f*ck, so be it, tax them. That will help the economy out. ... I don't smoke weed. ... But I say legalize it and tax it like cigarettes. ... The economy needs a boost, let's change things up ... People are already hating on Obama, he's been president for two weeks; he's not a miracle worker. Shit, give him time ... White people think they know about the struggle ... They have no effin' clue. ... Parents pay thousands of dollars for their kids to play summer baseball. ... It cost me $20 bucks to play all summer when I was a kid ... Sporting camps are a way to get money from rich people ... You think LeBron James went to a basketball camp at age 7 ... This chick sent me a half naked pic on my cell phone ... It was hot ... I wonder how long it will be before people get over their facebooks and myspace profiles ... Chicks are looking for their baby's daddy on both social networks ... If you are trying to get a good job pictures of you doing meth aren't recommended on your profile ... Ex girlfriends are a pain in the ass ... They literally will do whatever it takes to ruin your life ... The Super Bowl was good, I was sober for the whole game ... The commercials sucked ... I'm in the business of advertising, this economy is making me stress out ... Would you rather have a girl with an ass or with tits ... I'm a sucker for girls with long hair ... Hygiene is very important ladies, trim your shit and take care of yourself ... A three-some is something I've always thought about ... The thought of two beautiful girls on me is nice ... I still haven't found a good barber in Sac it's killing me ... I live to make your life a living hell ... You live to try and match all my accomplishments ... My sister has mad skills in softball ... My brother just turned 21 and has a daughter ... I don't have kids ... I don't have a girl ... I work harder than most of you ever thought about working ... When I go to the King's game I sit four rows back ... Michael Phelps did what 75% of 23 years old do on a daily basis, yet his career is tainted ... I hate Barry Bonds ... I love Megan Fox ... Big companies are closing shop ... I wish Starbucks would go out of business ... Ant are you serious Wayne is nominated for a Grammy? What's the category "most annoying wanksta in the U.S.?" … I would never turn down 25 million bucks for a year of work ... The rain is depressing ... It's good baby making practice weather ... I'm out like Sarah Palin is from the news.

Because, Skittles are good, bitch...

Listening to this old Common Sense freestyle. ... Girls swallowing and pineapple juice is on my mind at this exact moment. And it won't ONLY make me happy at that moment. Failure to spit says a lot more about a girl than girls think. ... What the fuck has Ray J ever done to deserve a reality show? ... Few things are funnier than watching middle-age white guys bump fists with each other. ... Ignorance is bliss. I might have written that before. But what's the opposite? Being aware of every little thing can be hell, yo. It's not like I know it all, but the fact that I'm aware of what I do and don't know can drive me crazy sometimes. ... There are a lot of birth control commercials on TV during the day. This I've noticed since I've been at home a lot. I guess those are targeted at women who are at home taking care of 4 babies. ... There are also a lot of commercials for penis enlargement. This country tries its best to make you feel bad about yourself. Jesus. ... I need new couches. ... Chris thinks we should write a book. He and I have both kicked this idea around a lot. Maybe a collaboration isn't such a bad idea. He thinks a book of our randomness would work. ... I had the ugliest dream of my life the other night. It made me turn on the TV and some lights and miss my mom for some reason. ... There's a large bag of Skittles sitting on my table. Like so big, it needs a ziplock top. ... Alex had a classic drunken episode on Super Bowl Sunday. This is why I need to be back around him. ... Craig fucked a married woman and Alex walked in on him because for some reason, it was happening in Alex's room. ... FUCK! I need to move! ... I've never been skiing. I doubt I ever will. ... I'm a little hesitant to have the religion conversation with Amanda. ... Stupidity is still spreading like the plague. ... My wireless is disabled. ... My boys like telling me how nice their weather is. Meanwhile, the weather where I'm at is destroying my skin. ... I have a cousin that is a hoe, literally. ... I don't like tea. Hot or otherwise. ... I can grab my hair with my hand. It's been years since it was long enough for me to do that. ... The Lakers might be done. ... If you don't know and can't figure it out on your own, then ask. ... I'm off tequila for a while ... or not. ... "Sippin' on Patreezy, talking to this breezy..." I don't like the word "breezy" but I dig that line. ... I'm steak. They're ham. ... I'm a pair of Air Max 360s. They're 180s. ... I'm the flat screen. They're a portable DVD player. I'm so-so. They're happy. ... I like making her smile. ... Amber better take advantage of Cali. And any Sac Town folks, she needs a spot. ... I don't have diamonds in my damn chain. ... There are gloves and bats all over my floor. ... The bouncer ripped my shirt last weekend. I was just reacting to one of my boys getting rushed. ... My brother Chris hit a bomb. ... Lil Wayne got nominated for a Grammy? Wow. ... Jennifer got enough courage to read. ... Vanessa gets her little sister smashed. ... Listening to Three Bricks by Ghostface Killah. ... Be cool and don't let your panties stay dry for too long.