Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Juan says: Goose = no hangover...

Another dilatory post by the group on one of Juan's blogs. Again, we apologize, but it's pretty entertaining, so read it, bitch...


In the Saga of a Few Fellas
…oh what the hell I guess I better tell ya.

That’s a little Back 2 Da Hotel by N2 Deep for you not in the know . But really you should know because what else were you listening to back in the day?
There are some classic lyrics in that fantastic party cut… “Purple Changos” and “you got the black broad and I got the white one. “

I really can’t think of a more East Bay song.

The word “Broad” is a very consistent part of my vocabulary. I can’t apologize for it. But if someone called my mom or sister that, I’d probably have to thrust kick them in the throat.
I definitely got the word from hanging out with all my Oakland people.

I am here to add to the West Coast bias.

Where was I going with this? My Saturday evening. Saga of a few fellas….. Watched an outstanding football game (Texas Tech v. Texas) at my boy Ant’s place where a crew had already been assembled.

I personally want air strikes to commence air-strikes against the entire state of Texas. However Texas stepped up (the state not the team) provided us with a great football game.

Usually they give us something stupid like George Bush or Paul Wall. Sometimes the state gives us good things like Lyle Lovett and Geto Boys. Oh and Mike Jones .

The most impressive part of the game wasn’t the scoring fest at the end of the game, or the receiver Crabtree’s run after catch for the final score, but rather the man boobies on the Texas Tech bell ringer. Those things were impressive as hell. Check out the link. I don’t know if it does justice.

After the football game, headed out on the town with my boy Ant and his motley crew. Had some drinks, met some dames.

Made it out to one bar, took off, and headed to a second one.

One of Ant’s dames made it out and he proceeded to convince her that on a night where people were costumed up that her pants were SO unnecessary. She went to the bathroom and returned sans pants and had only a long shirt on. One of the crew held the pants for the duration of the evening.

Ant lifted up the shirt of the young breezy and checked whether she had underwear and if she did, what kind it was. She acted indignant but she didn’t really seem to mind. Somewhere in the evening we lost her. I don’t know if her pants were returned to her. I hope they weren’t. I bet they were the real expensive kind too.

Met another person from what is commonly known as the “Best Coast” last night. The more the merrier. People from the West just get “it.” What is “it”- a mentality, a way of life. I have friends everywhere, but people from the West are just more my speed.

I used the word “immigrant guilt” a lot last night… let me define it for you…. It is the kind of guilt that makes you get up really early when hungover to go for a run or do some work, or makes you hold down various jobs at the same time and still looking for a side hustle. Immigrants and kids of immigrants get that… others well they don’t .

Stayed at the bar for a little bit and sucked down my fair share of Grey Goose and pineapple juice. I won’t ever have scurvy ever in my life now, but similarly, my liver is gonna shut down soon so it all comes out even.

Grey Goose is like sake to me. It is hangover free. No hangover when I fly with the Goose.

Bartenders….There’s a bartender at a bar that I frequent that is looking to have my children but she doesn’t know it yet. “Cause I see some ladies tonight that should be having my baby. Baby.”

Took a cab to a Mexican restaurant called Cielito Lindo.

Cielito Lindo is on the speed dial. For real. Place is pretty good. They need to hire some better looking waitresses though. They are a bit on the dusty side. They can do better in that department. They are capable of more. They’re better than that.

The crew well we took down our fair share of food and some. I kept it simple and got el pastor. Really wanted the ceviche but it was out.

Had I gone with lengua or something like that, it would have been pretty wet of me. And I use wet as a term of endearment. Hispanics use it too. Mojado is the term. Here is a song about it. Mojado by Ricardo Arjona.

I made the night real wet by spending about five bucks on that jukebox. I probably sang too because that is what I do. Not as wet as having stickers with either my last name, or religious figures or my home state on my car window, but wet nonetheless.

You need that kind of shit explained to you. Read a column called “Ask A Mexican” in the OC Weekly. Fantastic column by a young dude named Gustavo Arellano.

I don’t fuck with Qdoba and Chipotle and shit like that. Get that away from me. God damn that shit is vile.

I agree with my boy Ant. I need some Carl’s Jr. or Jack in the Box. Miss those.

Is there a rule that you have to be a shady motherfucker to drive a cab. Somehow one of our fares said $6 last night on the meter but dude insisted it was $9. Last week in San Francisco, some guy wanted me to pay for the cab toll fee for him to cross back across the bridge. What? Shady.

All my memorable cabbies have been in San Francisco. One was an old white guy that talked to me for about fifteen minutes about the great second baseman he had seen in his 200 years or so on the earth. I agree with him Roberto Alomar was the best second basemen I ever personally saw.
Worked out this AM. Me: 1 Nature: 0.

Cielito Lindo torta this AM at about 3AM or so: Me: 1. Nature: 1.

I’ve decided that I got to listen to more Arcade Fire and Kings of Leon . Heard them at the bar last night and decided I need to hear more of them. Saw Kings of Leon live once at Lollapalooza in 2007 and I didn’t like em. I think I didn’t like them because I just wanted to see Pearl Jam already and I don’t think they got a fair shake from me.

Then I heard “Sex on Fire” and decided that I did in fact like them. “Sex on Fire” makes me want to meet a young dame and engage in illicit but consensual activities in a hotel bathroom stall. Listen to that song and tell me that doesn’t make you want to just throw down on a kitchen floor. Or by a large body of water.

Song also sounds like a song that would be on if Dylan McKay came in the room in an old 90210 episode. That dude was just so conflicted. Cool as fuck. Dude was in high school and lived on his own. I was jealous of that and his nailing Kelli on that show. Apparently in the new 90210 (which I haven’t seen) she has his kid.

Arcade Fire makes me want to move to Canada. Or maybe at least visit for a long time.
I got to read more. I got about eight magazine subscriptions and I got to get to my pile of New Yorkers. Just not enough time for reading with participation in basketball leagues and such.

Don’t be fooled…. I’m a pretty good athlete.

Saw an ad for a pay-per-view boxing match coming up between Joe Calzaghe and Roy Jones, Jr. Why the hell would I want to watch that? So his career is over and now Jones wants to fight someone? I love boxing and I’d watch children fight. But this fight…. No thanks.

I need to meet Pam Oliver. She ran track. I don’t need a project chick or a hood rat chick . I need an athletic girl like Pam. That is what I need. I’m actually a sucker for smart girls though. I can’t tolerate dumb girls for anything. I like girls that read.

Amazon. com takes a lot of my money.

There’s something funny about watching the Cowboys fall apart.

I place people in two categories now: Obama supporters and non-Obama supporters. I really can’t say I have THAT many friends that are non-Obama supporters. I kinda don’t like non-Obama supporters. I have a bias against them. And that’s my problem. Their ignorance is their problem.

Does Joe Buck try to look more effeminate every week? Pink shirt and tie combo today? Really? The only way he’s be gayer is if he actually gargled semen.

I think I need to be an ultrasound technician. The commercial makes it sound really appealing.
Pregnant woman can be sexy—just thought of that. Actually no. I hadn’t JUST thought of it. I’ve thought that pregnant woman are sexy for a long time.

I’ve talked about pregnancy on here a lot. I’m gonna stop before I jinx myself bad.

The dame on the Lowe’s commercial has a big ass. And not the bad kind of big ass. Big ass is different than sloppy ass ladies. I’m not a white guy. White guys like the pancake ass or the concave ass. I like girls with some ass.

So in sum, I want a girl that is: an athlete, likes to read and has a great ass.

The 1st guy to get a barbed wire tattoo must be really pissed.

Love the show the Pick-Up Artist. Yes, I like some real delinquent shit.

Rich girls annoy the shit out of me. I feel really sorry for your plight in life. You are good looking, you have a great job with zero responsibility, and you hate your life. Nice. Yes that is directed at someone.

Really looking forward to going home soon.

It is “Ok” to say “Thank you” every once in awhile. I give people so much good information to use for their professional benefit and a fucking thank you would be nice. I’m gracious about their lack of graciousness … to a point. People must be raised by alley cats or some shit to not say “please” or “thank you.”

It is goddamn hailing here.

Yes I am verbose.

I close listening to some Idlewild . Enjoy.

1 comment:

AlongCameStacey said...

Real verbose... Lol.

Lmao @ immigrant gulit. First time I've ever heard that term used but I damn sure know what it's all about. It's annoying as f*ck sometimes. And people always know what I'm about to say when they tell me not to sweat it or to just not do something. "My parents came here so I could have all the opportunities they didn't have...." and blah blah blah..

And yea... You either voted for Obama or you didn't. And if you didn't - you better pray to whatever God you worship cuz I'm gonna grill you for all the reasons why you didn't. Most of them don't have a good reason. Racist pricks.

~Stacey