Cornfields, baseball and Yukon Jack...

Listening to Let Me Ride by Dr. Dre. ... Spent the last couple days in Iowa and spent a lot of time around the baseball diamond. ... We made friends with an old, fat, white guy in a bar. He was hammered and fell asleep on our table. He likes to drink Yukon Jack, so I named him that and everyone at the bar started calling him Yukon Jack. ... Also, a fat girl kept asking me to go to the bathroom with her. She realized it wasn't happening so turned her chair around and asked my brother. ... Chris said he hates pogs because it was a dumb fad and slammers were just a waste of metal. Agreed. ... Jose likes a white girl. She's tall and from Utah. And she may or may have not been slimed in her life. ... Funny how girls who are used to being right, or thinking they are right, all the time completely - completely - shutdown when you throw facts in their face and they have nothing to say because they know the other person is correct. Instead of saying, "you're right," they just close up and stop talking because they can't admit they are wrong or that it's at all possible that they might have flaws. ... Yes, I'm talking about you because I know you still read this shit, which adds a lie atop everything else. ... Go have a happy birthday. ... The West Coast trip is less than two weeks away. ... Phoenix is two weeks away. Kinda excited about that one. ... Rash Guard likes stupid cowboys that dance to stupid fucking Black Eyed Peas songs. She's so lame. This is why we make fun of her. ... I don't like driving. If I win the lottery, which I don't ever play, I'm hiring a driver. ... Jamarcus Russell sucks dick. The Raiders make stupid picks and will probably make another dumb one in about 2 minutes. ... I don't really like Vitamin Water. ... I have a lot of girl scout cookies. ... The Raiders just picked Ro McClain, a linebacker from 'Bama. Eh, morons run that organization. ... Play the next cut on that CD while I summon these spirits. ... Watch Treme on HBO. Hard. ... Watch Aqua Teen Hunger Force. ... I'd like to thank all the cartoons that raised me. ... My feet are always cold. ... I don't know what I'm going to eat tonight. ... The Lakers gotta sweep this first series to make me think they'll win a title again. ... Good thing Nathan turned out to be a douche bag. ... That fat drunk guy in Iowa did a toast with a round of shots that night that went something like this: "I'd like to make a toast ... to ... (pause) ... (pause) ... WHOOPIE GOLDBERG!" ... I laughed so hard I almost fell off my fucking bar stool. Of course, we all did a shot to Whoopie after that. ... I saw Hurt Locker the other night. Pretty intense. ... I saw Zombieland. Pretty funny. ... I saw Bad Lieutenant. I shoulda been high before I started that one. ... Who would win in a fight? A tiger or a shark? They are fighting in four feet of water. ... I say the shark because even though four feet of water isn't a lot, it's enough to severely slow down the tiger, whose power and agility would be stifled. ... I hate the Cavs. ... I started typing the word "still" in my phone and auto-type came up with "stillborn." WTF? ... I wanna write something about someone on this thing but there are some people that read this and can't take it for what it is and I don't feel like dealing with that fucking headache. ... Nicole and Brandon have a text date. ... Listening to Alright by John Legend. ... Be cool and don't be afraid to have a crush on someone.